letting go of perfectionism – Estelle Brodeur

Stop and have some cake

Have you ever found yourself wanting ever so quickly to have a technique at your disposal in order to avoid a pending disagreement? Last summer, I read “The Art of Communicating” by Zen master Thich Nat Hanh.

In his deeply touching, yet light way, he suggests asking your loved one this, when you find yourself going down a weedy path…”Would you like a piece of cake?” Then, you actually offer the person a piece, or something else delicous. I suppose if you wanted to avoid sugar, you could offer fruit or a carrot stick!

Really, though, sometimes even thinking of another response is enough to help us shift into another gear.

“A smile is the shortest distance between two people”—Victor Borge.

Let The Summer Begin

Rose of Estelle May Scarborough — Rt. 2 Rose

Summer Tool Kit

Here are some tried and true practices to help you move forward, pause, refresh, learn. Some things are kind of old-fashioned too, just like this very old rose of my grandmother’s, dug up at least twice and moved from a beloved mountain paddock to a new Central Virginia home.

Check In. What’s your internal weather report? Notice and practice your breathing. Notice how your body feels during day, where you hold stress. Breathe into those areas. What are your heart and gut saying? We make healthier, more informed choices when we are aware of our thoughts, feelings, and body signals. Use this as a centering practice during calm. Your body will remember because you strengthen these neural pathways just like muscle.

Walk. Move the body. Get outside early in the morning. Listen to the sounds, observe the breath. Commit to giving yourself 5 minutes. Read about walking meditation.

Do a 180. Seek a compassionate view of yourself. Notice internal dialogue. What you say to yourself about what you can and cannot do, who you are or are not– matters. Challenge those beliefs. Focus on meaning, not the story. Learn a new, fun skill that has nothing directly to do with an area of challenge. Laugh. Dance in your room with your headphones on.

Write. Focus on areas of life you feel competent in. Identify your strengths, your gifts. Write them down. Be specific. Ask someone you trust and care about to name 3 strengths they see in you. Experiment with journaling in new enviroments, such as a coffee shop or outdoors. Find a journal buddy to write with, kind of like parallel play young children engage in—no need to share, just be beside someone.

Grazing

I’m finding myself in a bit of transition. In some ways, it feels like these cows grazing on delicious and familiar green grass, and in others it’s like moving to another pasture and chewing new flavored varities. For most of us, creating new programs or new work takes continually feeding oneself on core values—things that if they are not present in your life, you know they are missing. Two core values of mine are creativity and relationships. I’m reconnecting with some really important people in my life and sampling some new things, such as teaching myself how to play the guitar. I’m giving myself permission to enjoy the process, the learning, in small bites rather than saying “in two months I’ll know how to play a song with x number of chords and with this strumming pattern”. As a coach, that’s something that I work on at times…not setting goals, as crazy as that sounds! When it comes to transitions and generating creativity, I find it’s useful to simultaneously build the “doing” and “being”.

If you are in some sort of transtion, which can be subtle or quite obvious to self or others, consider these things.

1. Ask yourself when you get up in the morning, “Who do I want to connect with today?”

2. Ask yourself upon awakening, “What’s one thing that I would enjoy today?”

3. Where could I release a “should” or “must” today?

4. How could I move my body today?

4. What’s the most important piece of work that I want to accomplish today?

5. At the end of the day, how can I send myself and those I love, caring?

This is a ever-evolving list! Give yourself the opportunity to sample different questions. Keep the ones that feel like bedrocks. Create new ones. Notice.

Resiliency, Patience, and Gratitude

These greens remain in our garden, despite all the freezing cold! What qualities does this particular plant hold that helps it thrive during winter months? I honestly can’t say the variety, as this time of year we tend to blend recollections of plantings, in spite of best efforts to mark the rows and keep a garden journal! We do find them delicious, however, and delight in their ability to come back, cutting after cutting.

I’ve been feeling like this vegetable a bit, in that some things have been strong and active, and other aspects, like creativity, have felt somewhat latent– this is my first blog since October. One thing I continue to learn is that when we are invited to participate in something in our lives that feels really BIG, extra energy is summoned to that one thing and that’s often really ok. Patience with self can be cultivated, over and over, just like the seasons in the garden. Some crops are more successful than others, from year to year. All farmers know that.

One thing I know is that I am grateful for so much. Here’s a wonderful article that caught my eye a while back from Harvard Health Publications on why gratitude is important to our health, and some practical ways to generate more.

Heart Meditations

Repeating a favorite prayer, spiritual passage, poem or affirmation can bring calm and ease into the day. Perhaps there’s one in your memory bank, or one that you’d like to deposit.

Here’s one from the Christian tradition. Choose one that fits you. May your heart be open today to what is possible.

The Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

The above text is from Blue Mountain Center of Meditation, a helpful and rich resource for meditation practice.

Composing Life

Two posts in one day! Elections provide motivation.

I discovered this article I squirreled away last month…

Tom Silvestri of the Richmond Times-Dispatch wrote a dynamite commentary after hearing composer Philip Glass discuss lessons from the creative process. I get excited just reading the story again. What appeals to me most about the article’s content lies in the human component of genius. That is, these themes:

How one’s longing moves ideas forward
Moving toward fear
Paying attention to a satisfying day
Power of perspective
Get started
Who one plays with
Mistakes
Rewriting one’s narrative

All of these kernels make me want to stand up and shout, YES! Thank you, Mr. Silvestri, for taking notes, paying attention, and sharing this with your readers.

Laughter’s Anchor

How important is laughter? Most of us don’t have to take long to remember a time when we lacked it. Most of us also immediately can cite who we laugh with, or who we long to laugh with again. When we were children, we belly laughed all the time, even hundreds of times per day when we were very young.

Did you know that you don’t need a sense of humor to laugh? That’s the premise of Laughter Yoga. Some say the more you laugh, the more you laugh. It is also said that one can’t laugh and think at the same time. I realize that might be scary for some, but for others, a relief! To turn off our minds for a while and increase our bodies natural endorphins. That’s what happens when we laugh.

There is some pretty amazing stuff about Laughter Yoga and it’s benefits. Here’s a tiny sample.

Why the Dalai Lama laughs

Gibberish Laughter Game

Dr. Katari in Yoga Journal

Massage Therapists Embrace Laughter Yoga

Good Descriptive Article on Laughter Yoga

New Vista

Have you ever had the experience that trying something new can open up possibilities that astound you? Can you nudge yourself a little? What is your mantra for the year? Same ol’ or something different? What would life be like if you did just one thing that may be really exciting, fun? What if you brought a bit more flexibility, adaptability, love of self and others into your life? How can you allow for adjustments in your plan for 2011? Now that January is fully here, is there anything you’d really like to get started on? Do you have a buddy to help you? Tell someone about your dreams! What are you waiting for?

February Musing

Laugh at yourself and laugh with others.

Listen to others with a non-judgmental attitude.

Say goodbye to perfectionism.

Face your fears.

Cultivate and cherish friendships.

Tag: letting go of perfectionism